oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
