Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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