Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
