It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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