Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
