I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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