my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
