what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
