saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
