If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
