so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
