i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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