We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
