so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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