it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
