i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
