that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
