I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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