Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
