Umm I'm too high to move.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
