HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
