this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sext me about skeletons
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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