he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
