I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
