before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
