I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do herpes really smell.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
