my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Houston, we have a blender
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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