In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
