Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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