She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Actions speak louder than pants.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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