god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
