I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
