I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
