like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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