I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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