She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
