I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
