I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
