theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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