I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Too much gin, very little bucket
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
