You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Small penises have feelings too.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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