He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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