My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
