You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
