Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
