This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
