Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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