I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
