i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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