captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
