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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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